Hold on to your Kids

Hold on to your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

Book - 2006 | Ballantine Books trade paperback ed
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Random House, Inc.
International authority on child development Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., joins forces with bestselling author Gabor Maté, M.D., to tackle one of the most disturbing trends of our time: Children today looking to their peers for direction&;their values, identity, and codes of behavior. This &;peer orientation&; undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated, and being &;cool&; matters more to them than anything else.
Hold On to Your Kids explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence&;and demonstrates ways to &;reattach&; to sons and daughters, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, make kids feel safe and understood, and earn back your children&;s loyalty and love. This updated edition also specifically addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media. By helping to reawaken instincts innate to us all, Neufeld and Maté will empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security, and warmth for their children.

Baker & Taylor
Argues that the growing phenomenon of peer orientation--using one's peers for a sense of direction, values, identity, and codes of behavior--is undermining family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters an aggressive, sexual youth culture, and explains how to reverse the trend to serve as a source of guidance, love, and security for children. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.

& Taylor

Argues that the growing phenomenon of peer orientation is undermining family cohesion and explains how parents and teachers can reverse the trend to serve as a source of guidance, love, and security for children.

Publisher: New York : Ballantine Books, 2006, c2005
Edition: Ballantine Books trade paperback ed
ISBN: 9780375760280
Characteristics: xvi, 296 p. ; 21 cm
Additional Contributors: Maté, Gabor


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Sep 14, 2018

I enjoyed most of this book. It opened my eyes to the cause of some of the behaviors my ten year old has. It was helpful to know that all I need to do is deepen our connection. As soon as I began really focusing on our relationship, her behavior and attitude improved. Thanks to this book.

Jul 04, 2018

This author uses fear-mongering tactics to persuade readers of its "truth". I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially a naive and easily influenced parent.

Dec 28, 2016

Some part of this book's thesis is, of course, valid, but to the scientifically literate mind, it is very problematic. Neufeld uses very little support (and for the most part none at all) for his claims, some of which are not only extreme but actually run counter to established research. I fear the effect this book has when not consumed critically. It is fear-mongering and emotionally appealing, but it has little to stand on. Neufeld has never published anything in a scientific journal (that I could find), and this should ring alarm bells. If he had been honest about this book being based on his subjective practice and as having little scientific foundation, it would have been more palatable - though still problematic. However, he repeatedly states opinions as facts without any regard for the consequences of such over-confidence. The book also offers very little in the way of practical advice, hiding behind the idea that such a thing is not possible when organically applying attachment principles. Better to read the peer-reviewed research on parenting and attachment than to rely on a book filled with pseudo-science, false claims, and helicopter parenting fallacies.

Feb 24, 2016

Incredibly creepy text by two male authorities who compare the relationship to one's children to a romantic relationship and describe peer attachment as akin to sexual infidelity. Authoritarian, reactionary, hostile to the notion of children as people, and -- unsurprisingly -- repeatedly invokes the misogynist work of Robert Bly.

A patron review from the Adult Summer Reading Game: "A very refreshing analysis of how to turn the tide against peers replacing parents in the lives of their children. Some central themes around building relationships and keeping children close, and a new chapter on keeping close in the digital age. A must-read for all parents!"

Sep 29, 2013

I say this quite seriously - all new parents need to read this book, a full decade before their newborn will be entering the hallways of increasingly peer-oriented middle school. You will be glad you did and your kid will thank you for it when he or she is twenty.

Jun 11, 2012

The information and insights contained in this book are priceless - it will change the way you parent, for good. The structure of the book is not perfect and the opening chapters can seem repetitious but they lay the foundation for the practical guidance towards the end of the book. The approach outlined in the book has transformed our family life by giving us the knowledge to make appropriate decisions on how our child spends his time and more importantly, who he spends it with.

Apr 10, 2012

Awesome book, very practical and useful for anyone who is involved in caring for children including parents, extended family, teachers, and child care providers. It is a must read and it is life-changing.


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